I’ve taken the liberty of pulling together a few ideas for questions next week. You’ll see I’ve broken them down into key areas for the post and made a suggestion in brackets as to who might ask each.

Grateful for comments (but not from the media LOL!)


Openers (John)

  • Welcome to Carlisle United. Do you understand what you’re letting yourself in for?
  • Who is your favourite fictional footballer? Please explain why.
  • Rod Stewart or Phil Collins? Show workings.

Finances (John)

  • In which of the following stores do you carry out your weekly shop?
    • Waitrose
    • Lidl
    • ASDA
    • Pioneer
  • Which of the following best describes you with money?
    • Careful
    • Parsimonious
    • Tight
    • Sensible
  • Jack has ten beans. Under the Salary Cost Management Protocol, he is only allowed to spend 60% of the beans on playing staff.  He fritters eight beans signing Danny Cadamarteri and Mike Edwards to long term deals. What does Jack do next?

Managerial Philosophy (Steve P – DoF)

  • Who is your favourite ex-CUFC gaffer from the following list? Why?
    • Aidan McCaffrey
    • Harry Gregg
    • David McCreery
    • Roddy Collins
    • Martin Wilkinson
  • What is Prozone? (Supplementaries – Can you rip us a copy? Do you have Optajoe’s number on speed dial?)
  • Do you have your own cones and bibs?
  • Could you teach Danny Livesey to pass?
  • Can you ‘win anything with kids’? (Hope so – LMAO)

Contacts (Steve P)

  • Do you have the number of any of the following ex-CUFC gaffers?
    • Aidan McCaffrey
    • Harry Gregg
    • David McCreery
    • Roddy Collins
    • Martin Wilkinson
  • Who is the most impressive name in your contact book? (Bonus marks for any of Tony Pulis, Neil Warnock, Clem or Su Pollard)

Club General (Andrew)

  • What would you say is a reasonable price for a scotch pie?
  • What varieties of soup do you think we should sell?
  • What would your tactics be when the Paddock is shouting at the Directors? How will you make that stop?
  • Do you know any Arabs, or anything?
  • How can we make Norman and his mates (sorry, Norman) go away?
  • What is the biggest threat to the future of the club?
    • Falling crowds
    • Horrible fans
    • Poor football
    • Being a footballing outpost
    • Lack of investment
    • James Phillips

Media (John)

  • What is your attitude towards James Phillips?
  • Do you read the News & Star or do you rely on others to describe the contents?
  • In a sentence or less, describe how we might go about ‘cutting out the cancer’?
  • Have you ever had a run-in with a media outlet? Please elaborate.
  • Like I say, this can be a media hothouse, being a small city. How would you deal with that?
  • Can you do YouTubes?

One Response to *Leaked Memo* – CUFC Interview Questions

  1. Sam says:

    Love the question about the beans. Utterly fanatic.

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